have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
