Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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