...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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