I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
