My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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