I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
