When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize