She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
