Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
