dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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