I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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