Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
