Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
