Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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