Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
