I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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