I want to walk on stilts...naked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
