its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
