make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
