Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
