i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
