i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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