so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize