I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
