hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
