my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
