We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
