In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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