She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
