Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
