She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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