Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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