I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
