would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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