I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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