I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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