; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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