In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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