just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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