Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
