I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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