Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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