My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
