we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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