Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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