tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
