at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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