Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
