I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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