this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
