Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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