girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
