Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
