God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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