Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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