I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
