Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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