i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize