so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
