I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just google imaged poop.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm like, not good at living.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
