I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
