dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize