While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
