if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
