You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
