Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
