someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
