i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
