just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
