Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
