It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
